


I Knew Him

by IWannaBeYahtzee



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Awkward Kissing, Barmitzvah, Childhood Memories, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Middle School, Middle School AU, Mourning Zoe, Post Dear Evan Hansen, Recovered Memories, Sad, Young Connor, Young Evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 13:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWannaBeYahtzee/pseuds/IWannaBeYahtzee
Summary: Evan finds his seventh grade year book and discovers that he and Connor were in the same class together.Based off of Nellos12's middle school AU





	I Knew Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is based off of Nellos12's Middle School AU! The original post doesn't exist anymore but just type in Evan Connor Barmitzvah into google and you should be able to find a reblog of it somewhere.

Evan was cleaning out his closet. He had just finished a big project for college and found himself with nothing to do. Ever since he started working at the Pottery Barn he always felt the need to keep himself busy. It was tough, balancing work and college but he managed. He was also slowly reconciling with Jared and Zoe. How they forgave him he'd never understand...

 _"You're trying to put your past behind you, remember?"_ He thought.

He pulled down a stack of books from his shelf and found they were a bunch of old yearbooks. Evan smiled slightly. He had never really cared enough to want his yearbooks, no one signed them anyway, but his mom had made sure to order and keep every single one. He pulled a random one from the stack, his seventh grade yearbook, and began flipping through it. Within minutes he found his old class photo. He traced along the many faces searching for his own but something else caught his eye. A tall boy with tangled red hair falling into his eyes and a cheeky grin on his face.

He recognized his eyes.

Blue with just a smidge of brown in the left one.

Could that be...?

No. No way. There was no way he and Connor were in the seventh grade together! He would have remembered! He would have...although his hair was different. A lot about him looked different. His frame was much more filled out in this picture than the thin, lanky teenager Evan had come to barely know. His cheeks weren't so hollow, though his cheekbones just as high, and his eyes weren't so angry. The more he looked at the picture the resemblance grew.

 _"If I don't get an answer for this I'm gonna lose my mind!"_ He thought. He hesitantly picked up his phone and dialed Zoe's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Zoe It's-It's me. I um...I kinda have a-a-a question for you. I uh I was looking in this old seventh grade year book and I saw something and I really didn't wanna have to ask you but you're really the only person I could ask and this is gonna drive me crazy if I don't figure this out and-"

"Evan!" She interrupted. "Just...ask the question."

Evan took a breath. Zoe had always helped him calm down. Carefully he asked the question. "....Did...did Connor ever have red hair?"

There was quiet for a moment and Evan was sure he had really screwed up but then-

"When he was younger, yeah. He was a natural ginger like mom. He died it brown in freshman year and he kept it like that ever since so...yeah."

"Oh...ok...I'm sorry."

"Don't Evan. It's okay. Why'd you wanna know?" He could hear her smile over the phone and thanked God that she was so understanding.

"...I think Connor and I might have had the same seventh grade class."

"Oh..." Silence reigned again. Evan hated that. Those moments of silence when no one was sure what to say or even if something should be said and it was all just horribly awkward. Evan HATED it. With a passion. He was about to stutter out something, ANYTHING just to break the tension when Zoe did it for him.

"...Hey maybe sometime...you could let me take a look at that picture? I've almost forgotten what Connor looked like with red hair."

"Y-Yeah of course." Evan answered.

Zoe chuckled. "Y'know this whole...mess...its kinda given me a new perspective on him. Made me remember the good days."

"I thought you said there weren't-"

"I was wrong." She sighed "I guess I spent so long thinking about the bad stuff...I forgot about the good. Heh. Y'know the other day I was thinking about this video interview thing dad was doing for his company and they had Connor and me stand in the background and they told us 'look like your talking, it'll look more natural'. And Connor said to me, 'So we could say anything and no one would ever know?' He he! So we were like, 'Watermelon, watermelon watermelon, crocodile, hairdryer, toilet paper!' just talking random nonsense! I had to try so hard to keep a straight face and not ruin the shot!" She broke into giggles.

Evan chuckled. "That's...awesome."

Zoe's laughter died down and for another short moment there was silence over the line.

"I haven't thought about that in so long...how could I...forget something like that?"

Evan felt like he should say something but all that came out was "I...I-I don't um..."

Zoe interrupted before he got too lost in his rambling.

"Evan?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Thanks for calling."

"Oh...oh yeah uh n-no problem thanks for uh...thanks for talking to me, Zoe."

"Bye Evan."

"Bye."

Evan hung up the phone and put his face into his hands. So much was coming back to him.

 

"Hey."

Evan turned and saw a somber looking kid with messy red hair. He had seen him before, he was known for his hair trigger temper and most kids avoided him. One time a girl had shoved him up against the wall in fourth grade and called him a "psycho freak". She had gone home with a bloody nose and missing four teeth. And now he wanted to talk to him?!

"W-what? Me?" Evan stuttered.

"Yeah. C'mere."

"W-why?"

"Just come here! I'm not gonna do anything bad!" He stomped his foot childishly.

Evan reluctantly approached the preteen and was almost hit in the face himself by accident as the boy stiffly held out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Come to my barmitzvah."

Evan blinked at him. "...what?"

The boy rolled his eyes when he didn't understand.

"Come to my barmitzvah and you can have this."

Oh. Ooohhhh. Wait. This guy wanted him to come to his party? Why? And why was he paying him?

"I-I would come anyway."

"...Really?"

"Y-yeah."

The red haired boy stood there looking stunned, almost confused for a moment. He looked him up and down, almost like he was assessing him, before sliding the Spider-Man backpack off of his shoulders and fishing an equally crumpled invitation out of it. He handed it to Evan who took it, still not quite believing this was happening to him.

"Its this friday. The address is inside. I'm Connor. By the way."

"Uh...okay...why me? N-not that I don't wanna go! I-I I do! I was just wondering-" Evan stuttered, flailing his arms trying to communicate his point. He half expected Connor to just snatch the invitation out of hand.

"Cause I have no friends. And I know that you don't either. So..."

That stung a bit but it was true. The two stood awkwardly, staring at each others shoes for a moment before Connor began to walk away.

"I-I have a barmitzvah coming up soon!" Evan blurted out before he could stop himself. Connor turned to look at him, confused. "W-what I mean is uh i-If you wanted to come...that'd be...uh...that'd be cool."

There was that stunned look again. "Um...sure." And with that he turned and walked away.

 

It was a relatively small party for such a big house. Probably because he was the only one who showed up. They mostly stayed in Connor's room, played video games and ate cake and chips. Evan was actually having a pretty good time. After a little while Connor's mom had ushered them outside to play. Having nothing else to do they started playing tag. It was a little childish and kinda weird with only two people but fun. When Connor caught up to him he tackled him, trying to roughhouse and bruised his cheek. Evan had started crying and Connor let him go immediately. He led him inside and gave him a water bottle for his cheek.

"Shit! I'm so so sorry Evan!"

"...That was a swear."

"I just gave you a bruise and your worried about me swearing?!"

"S-sorry..."

"What're you apologizing for?"

"I-I'm not m-mad. It's okay."

They stayed inside and talked until Evan's mom came to pick him up.

 

Connor did end up coming to Evan's barmitzvah later that year.

"So my m-mom's f-finshing the cake w-we could just h-hang out until then." He said timidly as they walked into his room. Connor stood awkwardly in the center of the room looking around before his eyes fell on a bin of carefully ordered comic books next to his bed. "You like comics?" He asked.

"Y-yeah! Wanna see em?" Evan perked up after being asked about something that interested him. Connor smiled.

"Got any Spider-Man?"

"Sure! I-I like Wolverine." Evan added as he picked up a Spider-Man comic and handed it to Connor.

"He's okay." Connor shrugged.

"D-do you not have any? C-comics I mean," Evan asked.

Connor frowned. "A few. My dad doesn't like em."

Evan didn't say anything more. So he and Connor sat on the bed, read comics and talked about superheroes until his mom called them down for cake.

 

Connor and Evan talked consistently through seventh grade. They didn't often go over to each others houses but they saw each other at school and hung out there. So when the middle school dance came around it was only natural that they'd go together as friends. Neither of them were gonna get dates and their parents were pressuring them to go ("It'll be good for you!" They said.) so they went together. They stood off to the side in a loud, crowded, sweaty room before the noise became too much for Evan and they went outside. Evan was breathing hard trying to calm down.

"You okay?" Connor asked.

"I'm fine. J-Just...don't like crowds...why did our mom's make us go?" Evan panted. Connor shrugged. "Cause they want us to make friends."

Evan shook his head, finally calming down a bit. "Yeah...I guess."

"But I've already got a friend. I've got you." Connor said, pushing his red hair behind his ear.

And then Evans heart was racing again as soon as it had calmed. "I-I'm you're friend?"

"Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?" He asked, suddenly becoming defensive.

"N-no! No I just d-didn't know if you were okay y'know...with me." Evan looked at his shoes.

Connor looked away. "I didn't know if you were okay with me."

"O-of course I am! Y-You like Spiderman and videogames and your funny and c-cool!-"

"And psychotic." Connor smirked self deprecatingly. 

"...I d-dont think so." Evan muttered. Connor half smiled. "You're pretty cool too."

Evan's heart skipped a beat.There were butterflies in his stomach.

Before he could think about what he was doing he stood on the tips of his toes and pressed his lips to Connor's. The kiss was quick. Barely a few seconds. When Evan pulled back Connor's face was taken over by a shocked expression. _"Oh crap! This is it! I'm gonna get punched!"_ He thought. But Connor didn't move. He was rooted to the spot. A blush slowly rose to his cheeks and as it slowly sunk in what he had just did Evan began blushing too. The blonde turned away and covered his face with his hands. "I'm s-so sorry!" He whimpered. Connor didn't respond. Evan summoned his courage and peeked between his fingers. Connor still hadn't moved, his hand was covering his mouth, his eyes stared straight ahead and a dark red blush was up to his ears. The muffled sound of the booming music was the only sound between them. And that's how they stayed until their parents came to pick them up.

 

After the dance they talked less and less. Evan asked Connor if he was mad at him, Connor had said no but the distance between them continued to grow. By the time eighth grade rolled around and Connor moved house the separation was pretty much permanent.

 

Evan lifted his head out of his hands and felt the tears running down his face. He knew him. He actually knew him. Connor had been his friend. He had been his first crush. Evan laid back on his bed. In a few minutes he would call Zoe again, or maybe his mom, he would explain what he had remembered, he would explain to someone who would understand. But for now he lay back on his bed and cried for a bit. For the first time he fully felt the effect of Connor's loss.

**Author's Note:**

> Points if you recognized the JaidenAnimations reference!


End file.
